All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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