Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
