no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
