it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i now understand why vodka
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
