Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
