grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
