a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
