u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
