Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
