if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
