im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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