come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
