Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
