just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
