Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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