I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
