you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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