Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
