And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
