i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
