FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
