don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
