Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
