There is no way he is gay with that hair.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
