saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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