i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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