I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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