My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
