Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
