i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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