I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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