I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
