these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
