shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Walk of Shame today included voting.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize