I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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