Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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