This girl is more easily done than said...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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