I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
