I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
