I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
