i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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