Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
