I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
