Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
