So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
