oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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