I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
