cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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