New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
