Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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