I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
