we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
