So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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