need another drink. this is the easiest way
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
