My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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