I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
