Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
