the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
