In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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