life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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