its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
