Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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