whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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