Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
