I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
two words...techno handjob
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
