Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
