I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
