Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
