Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
