I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
