I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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