Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
