I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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