I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize