Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sarcasm needs its own font
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
