it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
