i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
