chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
