He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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