so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
