peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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